I’ve cried a little almost everyday for a week and a half, nothing specific to speak of. I can’t pinpoint it: sadness, melancholy, joy, gratitude. Life is overwhelming these days, and this time I cannot blame hormones.
Relationships are absurd. The lust, the love, the irrational loneliness when they are away. But, when I come to the realization, when I have to see them for who they really are and acknowledge that they are not my creation, I start to lose interest. Then the grotesque always comes later. The body next to me—I imagine it digesting food, gurgling, big feet and strange smells. Could it be true that I’m not physically attracted to other people, just myself and the character (of my creation) that I’ve imposed on the body that is next to me? I mean, I love them, I lust them, but once that wears off and he is no longer my creation, I lose some of that. I hope that my relationships are childish and immature and that this mentality will change.