one down, like, a gazillion to go

Today was my first day of classes. Mondays are going to be brutal. I have four classes, and one of those four is three hours long. I was gobbling Panda Express by myself in between class breaks (a sad sight, I’m sure). I hate it when my stomach growls in quiet little seminars of eleven people. I mean, most of the classes seemed like they’re going to be interesting. I am overwhelmed by the reading load. And, of course, I am terrified of the big essay that’s always due at the end, but I have to get accustomed to that.
The final class today, the pedagogy class that all of the newbies are taking as a teacher prep, was interesting. This group seems to take themselves too seriously in my opinion. Although, my problem is that I sometimes don’t take myself seriously enough. In fact, most evenings I’ve worried over things I said. Did I offend? Did I come across too strong? Did I make someone uncomfortable? Hate me? What? I think this is mostly nerves, but I also know that I can be blunt in a way that is surprising/off-putting to some people. This is tough because I want to be myself. I want to build collegiality with my peers and the best way for me to really start to feel comfortable is through humor, teasing each other, self-deprecation, etc.
Okay, so, in today’s pedagogy class, which I totally think I’m going to like–like the fellow students and like the prof–we were talking about “why we’re here.” It got super touchy feely. I keep thinking, even during orientation, are these people about to burst into tears? I think everyone is just on edge, and rightly so. This is a very stressful endeavor. But still, I think it comes back to taking ourselves too seriously. We need to laugh, we need to enjoy. We also need to challenge each other and even argue, but that, I think, is done most effectively in a climate where real friendship and laughter can also occur and develop.

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2 thoughts on “one down, like, a gazillion to go

  1. sherewin Post author

    Ok, in my defense, I am not saying anything scandalous like that. Here is an example: We are in the library looking at old maps from the 1800s. I lean in, inspecting them closely and say, “Have the continents shifted much since then?” Everyone is silent. One girl says, “No, not really.” So, people could either think that was funny or that I was kinda stupid for thinking there would be a perceivable shift in the continents. I think my problem is with the funny/stupid thing more so than the inappropriate comments problem.
    And, I totally have a picture of me as the “dead” chearleader and Jackie as a dead (?) soldier. Good times. I do not, however, remember having much if any access to alcohol during that time in the dorms. I was mostly high on life…and once in awhile some rum that Dave had in his room 🙂

    Reply

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