it just depends on the day

Most of the time, I am happy and excited to be doing this work. There are also times when I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing (here). But, I guess, in the back of my mind, I believe that I’m delightful, that I’m a good teacher, that people like being around me, or at least could get used to liking being around me. So.there’s.that. My mind is spinning with possibilities of projects. The research and the reading involved? Well, that’s another thing. I am officially behind on my reading. A lot of the reading is a little too dense for me, but I’m getting a lot out of it too.
Graduate school is a weird thing–moving from a student who can do and say whatever you want to more of a proffesional in grad school. I think graduate school is different because there is so much more awareness of a career. We have to be professional. It’s funny that in the past three years adjuncting, I had so much encouragement. I rarely had to worry about being polite because, I think, in a civil situation like that, civility and politeness come naturally. It’s only when the atmosphere isn’t completely civil and polite that these issues come up at all. 
We are fighting so hard to gain so very little.
I am too busy reading to even do anything else, let alone the reading and writing that must take place in order to produce some kind of  product at the end of the semester, let alone all of the little things I need to do personally to stay sane.
Jarring transition–Boyfriend called me yesterday. He is about half way through his journey. He’s been walking for one month so far. He says he is hitchhiking to visit me right afterwards, which pleases me, although it will be interesting to see the new dynamic. I simply won’t have the time for him that I’ve had in the past. In the past we could just spend all day together. I was reminded of a sweet thing that he does. In the morning, the first thing he does is reach for me and say "I missed you." Okay, now, I’m sorry if I just made you all puke a little bit in your mouths, but it’s my journal and I’ll write whatever I want to.

1 thought on “it just depends on the day

  1. syllepsis

    C says that sometimes she hates going to sleep because it means she has to quit talking to me. (It’s sweet, but sometimes I can use the break (which is what I tell her).)


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