I spend exactly one third of my time desperately wanting to be in love and having the companionship that goes along with tgat. I spend another third of my time liking the solitude, imagining a blissfully single life for myself. In the other third, I am just me, give or take a dog or a baby.
Already today, two yoga mats fell on my head, I slipped and fell down on the ice, my car was covered in a thick sheet of ice (not frost, ice), and my yoga students thought I had flaked on Wednesday because the girl who offered to sub for me forgot about it. All of this on three and a half hours of sleep last night because I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON!!! I cannot fall asleep before 1am.
Screw y’all, I’m going back to sleep.
I’m feeling a definite lack of privacy. I don’t know if it’s because I just read Foucault’s Discipline and Punish and am thinking of the willing panopticism of the internet, but I’ve been having these feelings that I should flee. Or, maybe it’s because everyone is jumping ship from Myspace to Facebook. Facebook has absolutely taken over. There is so much activity there that I find myself both drawn to it all day long and repelled byit, wanting to hide, wanting to delete my pictures, my thoughts, my status updates. Some more privacy settings would help, but at the same time, the unsensored reality is when Facebook is at it’s best.
Tonight, I just want to hide under a rock until it all blows over. But what if it doesn’t blow over? What if we have to keep up this sharing? I don’t think that’s the world I want to live in.
a) The sooner we realize we are all the same, the better. (I think this is the reason why I might need to find some other creative outlet.)
b) What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?
c) How to "open" my chakras.
This weekend is all about a yoga workshop, 8am-6pm on Sat. & Sun. They are exhausting but also leave me feeling relaxed and empty (in the best possible way). The bad news is that I have two presentations for school next week, a stack of papers to grade, and several chapters of tough reading to get through too. Better go–lunch break is almost over ~namaste
I cannot begin to describe the terror I felt yesterday as I opened my iTunes to receive an error message, which basically told me my music was not available. I could see the library, but when I clicked on a song, it was gone. The only thing left, weirdly, was The Beatles, which I only had on there because Boo insisted that I fall in love with them. Which I did. I then crafted a careful letter, after much searching, to iTunes customer service contact. I got an email from them, but in the meantime, had already found my music, all 10+ days of music, in my Recyle Bin. I restored the music, but then I couldn’t find it. Neither could iTunes. Finally, tonight, I found the music and reloaded into my iTunes.
So, that was my weekend.
I listened to The Beatles and wondered if they could indefinitely provide me with the soundtrack to my life.
The Beatles reminded me of my boo.
The Beatles reminded me of Across the Universe, which Boo made me watch.
Which I hated up until the point at which I loved it.
Which made me wonder how long I would be nostalgic about the past few years.
Which reminded me that I’ll move on when I am darn well good and ready.
That, and I healed my wound (or am healing my wound).
And wishing I didn’t have to teach three classes of yoga tomorrow.
And knowing that I have an entire library of music that will only ever remind me of Saiah. To get over him will require an entirely new set of music, which will be hard because I have all of the best stuff on there right now.
I could write a book, which correlates each album to a story from our time together.
Look, if you can win eight gold medals while being a pot head, I say this is clear evidence that we should legalize weed. (I’ll quit here before this turns into an ENGL 101 essay.)