Day 07 – Your best friend

I am terrible at making friends. Terrible. I grew up in a small town and my cousins were my friends. It has been a given since birth. There is a lot of comfort and security there, but it also meant that friends were people with whom you might not share many common interests. It meant that when I went out into the big bad world and I realized I wanted a friend, I had no idea how to get one. My attitude toward friends is also complicated by the fact that I am a very serious introvert. I am energized and recharged when I am alone. Last weekend I attended a Christmas party with the bf. There would be free drinks and lots of free food at a bar downtown. People I knew would be there, as well as strangers. It was absolutely the best case scenario, and yet, about an hour before it was time to leave, I panicked. I ended up going, and it was nice, but the anxiety beforehand was very real. I even get this away about making phone calls sometimes. 
My friend situation is also complicated by the fact that I am sort of picky about friends. They have to be really open, interesting, and completely reassuring to me about the friendship. I am needy. Though I do not require a frequent interaction, I do require that I get full attention and interest during those interactions.
That said, I still need friends. Not many, but I need someone with whom I can go out on a weekend and get a bite to eat. I need someone who will be my sidekick at events, readings, concerts, etc. Finding a good friend is not unlike finding a boyfriend. The compatibility and connection is essential, and sometimes it takes as long to find a friend as it does to find a romantic partner…if not longer.

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