I was sitting alone on a sparsely populated on airplane from Frankfurt to Helsinki. I was thirty pounds lighter than I am right now. Tanner than ever before. Hair, long and full and mostly blond. Makeup done to perfection. Gold jewelry and tight, white pants that fit to perfection as well. Conversational French on the tip of my tongue. More in my body and sure of myself than ever before. Certain I would return for a PhD. Waiting for the rest of my life to begin.