Yesterday we shoveled gravel and distributed it over muddy walks and trails in the yard. The improvement was much needed. It didn’t take long, but the work was hard. Gravel is heavy. We work so well together. We’re happiest when we are working on a physical project together. We spent almost every weekend last summer collecting firewood in the mountains. It was hard work, and we were very happy. Days like yesterday make me wish like everyday was like yesterday, and we were together and in love and working cheerfully and in agreement. Unfortunately, our lives are such that we do not have these kinds of projects to do on a regular basis. Instead we have to deal with the daily after work fatigue, prepping dinner, watching our shows. It becomes monotonous and stressful. Neither one of us is very good at appeasing the other. Every night have to ask him to leave since I have work to do. Every night he acts dejected as he leaves. Every day I feel the burden of it. It is no way to live, and since the bulk of our time together is spent in this after work routine, our time together is often spent bickering and exhausted. After yesterday, I am questioning (again) the decision to end the relationship. We were so happy and content yesterday! I could live like that! The trouble is that yesterday was the exception not the norm, and I have to try to keep that in mind. I’ve said it before, but this relationship is going to be incredibly difficult to navigate. 

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