My weekends of fun, sun, and driving all over creation are over. For now. I’m settling back into my routine. Getting to work that I’ve put off too long. Catching up with grading. I can say I will enjoy these few weeks to myself. I have a lot of work to do. It’s all of that stuff I thought I would do in the summer. Now summer fading fast, and I need to get the work done. I’m talking about writing and revising articles and working on the dissertation. Not two mutually exclusive projects, but they’re not always related either.

The next year looms ahead, and I am terrified. I need to get into the right head space so that everything turns out satisfactorily. I have not yet taken time for reflection, meditation, and prayer, yes prayer. I’m talking about finishing the PhD, finding work, and settling down somewhere. In all of my years as an adult (whenever that began) I have never settled down in a location or in a relationship. It is something I want…I think. But, in the meantime I remain terrified of the unknown. What is it like to live in a place day in/day out? What is it like to wake up and love the same person every day? I’ve been told, and it makes sense, that this is as terrifying as it is wonderful. Maybe it’s time…

In other news, there is a romantic proposition before me that scares me shitless. Perhaps the moment should’ve been received with more tenderness and romance on my part, but all I could do was break out into a sweat. I suppose I have weeks ahead of me before I devise a plan. In the meantime, I honestly don’t know what I’ll do.


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