this time

This time feels very much like four years ago when I was hearing back from PhD programs. There was so much anticipation and good news that came early, so I could enjoy the process throughout January, February, and March, knowing that, no matter what happened with the other schools, I had been accepted somewhere. And that meant I was going! Leaving Utah. Leaving Bikram, and leaving the one who seemed to want to leave me anyway.

The job search process is bringing out some weird neuroses in me. For each job that is posted, I Wikipedia the school and town, and then go to google maps and search for yoga. Bikram yoga would make my dreams come true, but I’ll settle for any yoga. Google maps lets me know if the location is in a tsunami zone. Tsunamis are one of my biggest fears. There is a job in Hawaii, but I didn’t even apply to it. I can’t live in that kind of worry. The thing is, I love the ocean. Whenever I see it, I am in awe. I always have a physical reaction to it. Also, my skin and hair love the ocean climate. It suits me. Still, I prefer a bay or inlet that is somewhat protected.

One time I heard of some people from New Mexico (the flat, barren part) who were afraid of trees and mountains. They had some fear that the trees and mountains would spontaneously fall on them. I feel that way about the ocean. I have always had an unrealistic feeling that the ocean was going to come up and get me. The first time I saw video footage of tsunamis, I thought, Yes! That’s exactly how I feel! It probably doesn’t help that all but one of my astrological signs are fire signs. I appreciate water as my opposite, but always have a feeling that it could put me out.

Every morning I am thrilled to check my email, looking for an invitation for an interview. I didn’t so that so much in the fall. Somehow I think I knew that I was not a good match for any of the early gigs. Now though, now I feel like something is on the horizon. And it’s going to be great. And the place will be great. And I will be so ready to go.

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