don’t ask the question if you don’t want to hear the answer

Last week was *difficult* on the relationship front. When we argue, Z and I always have some variation of the same argument. We both fall into bad habits: me bating him with probing questions about our relationship and he answering defensively.

It’s been my experience in relationships that a couple always has the same fight over and over again. Each relationship has it’s unique fight. (To be clear, these aren’t screamy fights ((I don’t really do those)), but they are disagreements, conflict, etc.) In my last relationship, it was a chronic lack of insensitivity. Frustratingly, we each continually hurt each other’s feels over and over again without realizing it.

When Z and I dated the first time, our argument was concern over compatibility. This time around, it’s pretty much the same argument. The odd thing is that I think we would both say that we’re really, really compatible. We are in love and share most of the same values. There are a few tangential points where we disagree. For the most part those feel minor–unless, of course, we’re arguing–in which those minor differences seem more…significant.

Because we get along smashingly 99% of the time, we both recognize that if we could just figure out how to have our one argument in a positive and productive way, or even figure out how to stop having it altogether, this relationship would be pretty much perfect. And, having to look at such a perfect couple would make you all want to puke. So, we probably won’t do that to you, dear reader, but we might get some good old-fashioned counseling to helps us navigate our relationship.

P.S. If I had my druthers, I would see one of those NYC-style psychoanalysts circa a 1970s era Woody Allen movie twice a month for the rest of my life.


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