I am far too sensitive for online dating. There’s an entire hookup culture that is far too brash for my delicate sensibilities. For every few hundred lame messages, there is one that looks pretty good and can actually string a few complete sentences together. So, that gives me hope that the exercise is not futile.
I read something today that advised entering a relationship because you’re ready and not because you’re lonely. I don’t think anyone ever knows if or when they’re ready, but I think there’s some wisdom in the sentiment about loneliness. In the last few weeks, I’ve had a strong urge to go out and date somebody new. That’s partly because I’m a bit disoriented by it all and partly because Z has already expressed interest in dating someone new. It makes me think I need to do the same. Perhaps I even feel a little bit of competitiveness. Because Z ended the relationship, I think it would be easier for both of us, emotionally, if I am the first to “move on.” However, given our personalities, I think the reverse is more likely.
In a lot of ways, I resist relationships. However, I actually think being in a relationship is best for me. So, I’m trying to be open. The online dating thing feels like an exercise. Going through the motions. I’m in no hurry. When and if the time is right, it will happen. In the meantime, so many things about my life are absolutely spectacular, and that’s worth focusing on.