Category Archives: motherhood

Separation Anxiety by Laura Zigman

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My second real “pop” book of this year, after Modern Lovers, is Separation Anxiety by Laura Zigman. If I recall, I found this book referenced on Instagram, I added it to my Libby list, and, lo and behold, had time for it when my turn came up on the app. This is a summer read? A beach read? I’m not really sure of the genre, but as popular books go, it was pretty good, had some good depth, unexpected twists, and the writing was solid.

I found the main character to be a little too cold, shutdown, and removed in a way that did not feel like great “main character energy,” but the rest was pretty good. I also found the conflict between the central couple to be a bit unrealistic. The guy seems…pretty decent actually. So, why is the main character so repulsed by him? Why are they separating? The reason is stated, but never quite believable. I think there’s sort of an East Coast cultural difference may be at play here.

I appreciated the themes and the artful movement through scenes and the way Zigman built clear, and direct meaning throughout. I found some of the concepts to be repulsive, but in the end, none of it was gratuitous. I don’t think it is a spoiler to share that the main character begins wearing her dog in a baby sling, and, honestly, at the end, I’m still not sure if I should be concerned for this fictional dog’s wellbeing. And there’s more of the same throughout.

Challenging Pregnancy: A Journey Through the Politics of Science of Healthcare in America by Genevieve Grabman

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I don’t normally include the scholarship I read for work here on my book list, but this one had an engaging narrative, a strong argument woven throughout, and I read it all the way through. In Challenging Pregnancy: A Journey Through the Politics and Science of Healthcare in America, Genevieve Grabman writes about her experience being pregnant with and birthing twins in the US healthcare system.

In the book, Grabman effectively argues that the the care she needed, received, but was sometimes was denied was often influenced more by politics than by her own medical needs. Anti-abortion sentiment filtered in to most aspects of her healthcare in a way that deprived her of choice and even sometimes put her in danger. Or put one or both of her babies in danger. Or put all three in danger. This is an important, but dark read that will have female readers thinking hard about the risks of becoming pregnant during such a hostile time for women’s (reproductive) rights, when choices about women’s bodies are placed in the hands of politicians and influenced review boards more than the expert doctors and wishes and preferences of the pregnant person.

Florida by Lauren Groff

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While awaiting the arrival of the highly praised The Vaster Wilds, I came across Lauren Groff’s collection of short stories entitled Florida, and what a delight.

First thing I’ll say is that this is a book of short stories that really deserves to be a book. The stories speak to each other so well that it’s almost like this is a way of making a “novel,” less linear, less plot driven, but still so very meaningful.

Next, I’ll say that, without subheadings or even making much mention of it in the blurb, this book captures motherhood is such a real and raw and genuine way. There are so many books on the market about motherhood, but many of them don’t capture my experience. However, the depictions of it in this book were so good.

That’s what I have to say about the book. I was on the fence about The Vaster Wilds, but now my curiosity is definitely piqued!

Tom Lake by Ann Patchett

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The only other book I’ve read by Ann Patchett was This is the Story of a Happy Marriage, which I read last year. My thinking is that Patchett has had a long and illustrious career and has earned the time and patience it takes the readers to complete her books. Tom Lake is no exception. It might even be her crowing achievement in time and patience, which is not to say that it isn’t worth it.

Perhaps what strikes me most about Patchett, and that generation of woman writer, is the way they interact with men. Men seem to hold a higher interest than in contemporary literature. The women, even the author, seems to defer to them for knowledge and guidance.

I know of one woman of the same generation who is this way too. I’m not even sure if it’s a bad thing, but it strikes me as a bygone way being and thinking. Yeah, that little thing is probably what struck me most.

Second, I was struck by how much attention the people in the book gave the narrator, who is an aging mother and former actress. Her daughters were mostly riveted by her stories, and her husband was patient with her as well. Near the end, the reason for this interest becomes clearer, but throughout the bulk of the book, the narrator seems tedious and detailed, even delighting in her story and drawing it out for emphasis in a way that felt somewhat irritating to both the daughter and the readers.

In the end, I think it is a good book, calculating, safe, comfortable, and revealing a unique story not often told. It’s worth reading, but with patience.

Rough House by Tina Ontiveros

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Rough House by Tina Ontiveros is excellent. Excellent. I don’t say it lightly when I say that I think she is like a female Raymond Carver–Carver, a magnificent writer, who, in my mind, so perfectly captured the unique culture of the Northwest, the logging, the mill towns, and the landscapes (portrayed unromantically, but true). In fact, Ontiveros has lived in some of the exact same towns as Carver!

Carver died decades ago, and the Northwest of the ’80s, ’90s, and today deserve their own new depictions. Ontiveros does just that. The author writes about her troubled childhood and geniusly pairs the horrific abuse with the love in that unique way that it is so often packaged together in families.

Because I am so deeply rooted in the Northwest, having grown up here myself, being a part of a larger family that has lived here since the time of the Oregon trail, and living in a family whose income came from logging, mill work and the like, Ontiveros’s novel was so very familiar to me. I loved how she captured the culture, the strong sense of place, even the language.

I am stunned by this work.

The Path Made Clear by Oprah Winfrey

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For years, my yoga practice and author’s like Eckhart Tolle helped me to connect to my spiritual self. For whatever reason, these practices and readings have felt like necessary touchstones, reminders to help me stay on track with my authentic self and my unique spiritual path, reminders I have a hard time remembering on my own.

For whatever reason, these spiritual feelings, and my interest and curiosity in them, completely left me once I had children (although it seems like the opposite would be true). The only sense I can make of it now is that I was so deeply in my spiritual self as I transformed into a mother that I was unable to stand outside and observe, analyze, or even connect to the experience in a thinking way. I could not think it. I could only feel it, and I did feel it deeply! I have felt so profoundly grounded and assured since the transformation. Since becoming a mother, I am undeniable a new version of myself.

As the years pass, and I gain some distance from the initial experience of becoming a mother, and as I have more time for thinking and reflect than I did in the early days, I find myself having capacity for and appreciating the small *thinking* spiritual reminders that come my way.

Oprah Winfrey’s The Path Made Clear is just such a book, carefully curated with some of the great spiritual insights available to us. It is not too deep or too complicated, and it is not too long, but the insights shared from many of Oprah’s friends and peers are worth reading, even if they are just serving as familiar reminders.

Lila by Marilynne Robinson

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Robinson’s reputation precedes her. I first read Marilynne Robinson book Housekeeping, which I thought was extraordinary. Robinson is one of the authors that my grandpa used to read out loud, his gravely voice adding even more significance to each word. I frequently thought of him during this book.

Robinson’s Lila, which I have read out of order from the other books in this series (Gilead and Home), is a quiet, thoughtful book. I wondered at the repetition of some of the ideas the repeated detail of laughing with Doll. The repetition of imagining geraniums at the window. Was this intention. These details certainly make the point, but why were they repeated? At the end, I do not know and cannot tell if it was intentional.

After reading this book, I can confirm that I will also look to read Gilead and Home at some point in the future, though somehow I doubt that any will be as good as Housekeeping. Still, it’s nice to know I have them to turn to when I need a guarantee of a good book.

Tracing the Desire Line by Melissa Matthewson

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I read Tracing the Desire Line by Melissa Matthewson over the course of a few months. I started the first half before the holidays and the last half after. The book is beautifully written on the level of the line. I mean, it has a lovely structure overall as well, but the line really stands out.

The content of the book was personally challenging for me to read. The author navigates desire, FOMO, long term relationships, and does so through a lot of pain, and also some pleasure, though even that pleasure often seems anything but pleasurable (I often imaged the smells of old cigarettes, sour alcohol sweat oozing through pores, and someone else’s odor that just does not smell right).

I guess because of my age, and the relationships that are all around me. So many are navigating similar relationships, reactions, etc., and so it felt true and also frustrating. I admired the author’s ability to be the “bad guy” in the book. I think it’s so much easier to write from a sense of false victimhood, but the author doggedly avoids that and stays firmly in a place of truth telling, even when it is not flattering, even when it is something readers might imagine she’d rather forget, and even when this mistakes are out there for everyone to see.

I am reminded just how vulnerable one has to be in order to write good books. As for this one–it is worth reading for the line, but also because of the honesty, even when it is ugly and difficult.

2023 year in review

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Each year during this time of year, I love to reflect back on the previous year. I love to scroll through my old pictures. I like to look through all the books I’ve read. I like to reflect on the big, memorable moments. If I don’t stop to do this periodically, to look at it all, my life starts to feel like one big blur. I have come to cherish this annual reflection, which helps me stop time and appreciate where I’m at in my life, what I have accomplished, and all of the wonderful people who have inspired me and buoyed me up along the way—many of whom are you!  

This year I watched my children grow, and try new things, and learned more about who they are. I read more books than I have in years and found solace and regulation in all of my time spend in a good books. I traveled to Chicago, where I got to stay in a fancy hotel room with big, sweeping views of the city and Lake Michigan. Friends visited me in Oregon and Idaho, and they offered their wisdom, inspiration, and encouragement. A professional fire was lit in me this past year, from many embers that had been quietly burning, and I signed not one, but two book contracts and also completed another manuscript for an unrelated project that was a pure joy to create. I also enjoyed many much needed coffee dates and dinner dates with loved ones. All of this was made possible because, for the first time since having children, I have had sufficient childcare this past year. Each moment spent in my office was a cherished gift, and I worked (out of necessity) with a laser focus that I never had before becoming a mother.

Not all of my eras have been so good or so certain, and there has also been heartache, fear, and illness this year too. However, this era is a rich one for me. I awake to beautiful views, and wonderful people, and inspiring work, and I have felt grateful every single day. 

portrait of the author

Small Things Like These by Claire Keegan

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The pacing of Small Things Like These by Claire Keegan is more like that of a short story than a novel. This is nothing against the story–I love shorter works! I would classify this piece as a novella.

This book was a pleasant Christmas read, which was perfect because I finished it on Christmas Eve this year! This is a plot driven book with decent writing. It won the Orwell Prize for fiction that tackles a social issue, and it does that, and does a fine job of it.