I’m starting to let my guard down. I’m starting to realize, little bits at a time, that I might actually have someone to lean on. Honestly, that sounds really nice. Especially after yesterday. Yesterday, I went on a bike ride and got a sunburn and got in a fight (per usual). This time I really felt that it was not my fault. It was a reminder to make more space and after I think that’s enough space, make some more. I have no interest in engaging in a relationship with someone that is all about fighting and conflict, which the interaction is always always about at this point. Regarding the bike ride? I wished I’d gone alone.
Then there was a going away party at a mutual friend’s place last night. That was okay, but it ended being stressful nonetheless. I’m looking forward to being with someone who, even when things are difficult or unexpected, still smiles and makes the best of the situation. Someone who makes me feel safe and understood. Someone with whom there is never a bad day ever at any time ever.

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