This morning I woke up early. I cracked the flue on the fire, realizing that I’d accidentally smoked out the house last night. Again. I opened up my doors to air it out and then went to greet the pets next door (I’m caring for them for the weekend). I kept the cats at bay with my boot, while filling their ceramic food bowls and freshening their water. The dog and I went outside to check on the chickens. I removed some plastic that I didn’t want them trying to peck at and cracked the ice and filled their water bowl. We watched them drink, throwing their heads back to swallow and then went up to the park, where I unsuccessfully tried to throw the ball with the adaladal. My elbow is too sore from falling on the ice. It hurts to throw. We went home, and I fed the dog and then came back over to my place. After that I watched a video on the internet of a fat guy running to get in shape for a marathon to earn money for his dying niece. I cried hard from start to finish.

This time feels very much like four years ago when I was hearing back from PhD programs. There was so much anticipation and good news that came early, so I could enjoy the process throughout January, February, and March, knowing that, no matter what happened with the other schools, I had been accepted somewhere. And that meant I was going! Leaving Utah. Leaving Bikram, and leaving the one who seemed to want to leave me anyway.

The job search process is bringing out some weird neuroses in me. For each job that is posted, I Wikipedia the school and town, and then go to google maps and search for yoga. Bikram yoga would make my dreams come true, but I’ll settle for any yoga. Google maps lets me know if the location is in a tsunami zone. Tsunamis are one of my biggest fears. There is a job in Hawaii, but I didn’t even apply to it. I can’t live in that kind of worry. The thing is, I love the ocean. Whenever I see it, I am in awe. I always have a physical reaction to it. Also, my skin and hair love the ocean climate. It suits me. Still, I prefer a bay or inlet that is somewhat protected.

One time I heard of some people from New Mexico (the flat, barren part) who were afraid of trees and mountains. They had some fear that the trees and mountains would spontaneously fall on them. I feel that way about the ocean. I have always had an unrealistic feeling that the ocean was going to come up and get me. The first time I saw video footage of tsunamis, I thought, Yes! That’s exactly how I feel! It probably doesn’t help that all but one of my astrological signs are fire signs. I appreciate water as my opposite, but always have a feeling that it could put me out.

Every morning I am thrilled to check my email, looking for an invitation for an interview. I didn’t so that so much in the fall. Somehow I think I knew that I was not a good match for any of the early gigs. Now though, now I feel like something is on the horizon. And it’s going to be great. And the place will be great. And I will be so ready to go.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?

A "hook up" of sorts.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

To eat more raw vegetables. Yes, I think I did.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No, that was 2010.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No.

5. What countries did you visit?

Just this one.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

More love. Et al.

7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

March 2011.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Writing a draft of the diss.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Missing deadlines for the diss. Cowardice in moving.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Strained(?) knee from biking.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Dinner at Black Cypress.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My ex boo.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

My ex.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Besides rent? Food.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Being in love.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?

The War on Drugs, "Taking the Farm."

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

happier or sadder? same

thinner or fatter? fatter?

richer or poorer? same

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

I'll let you take a guess. 

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

The Internet.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

Sadly watching things fall apart.

22. Did you fall in love in 2011?

HOh boy did I.

23. How many one-night stands?

No comment.

24. What was your favorite TV program?

Skins UK.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

No. A bit more confused by some, but no hate.

26. What was the best book you read?

The Summer Book by Tove Jansson

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Sleigh Bells? Was that 2011? 

28. What did you want and get?

iji

29. What did you want and NOT get?

More iji

30. What was your favorite film of this year?

Bridesmaids. Which also might've been the only film I watched.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Out for dinner, I think?

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Bikram.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?

Those ugly free t-shirts I get for teaching yoga.

34. What kept you sane?

A distracting love affair.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Kristen Wiig.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

Egypt.

37. Who did you miss?

Grandpa.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

My new yogi friends from MYC and the crew from portfolio assessment.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:

Be less responsible.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

"Well, top and bottom it's all the same to me…"